sun, sea, sand & screaming

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so here goes

Holiday

Holdiay was ace, me, fulla, fella, adam, deano and bacon all went to gran canaria, playa del ingles which i think means “beach of the Enlgish” – yes we where going for the spanish culture, no to the booze and birds a-plenty…honest.

early mornings fucking banks and bastard Planes
so monday the 14th we set off at 6am to the airport, fella’s dad took us which was cool. freezing fucking cold and not enough sleep i realise my money hasn’t cleared in the bank, i have 50 quid to last me i don’t know how long. the lads say they will help me out untill it clears, which is turns out was only the next day.

So we’re sitting at birmingham airport having a beer at 8am, i refrained and went for a lemonade, by this time im shitting it that i will die on the plane or summat, i take three asprin to thin my blood, hope no fucker cuts me!

we get on the plane, im lucky enough to have an isle seat next to adam and fulla. fella is across the isle and deano is miles away down the front next to a screaming child (hehehehe) – i havn’t flown for a good while and it would have been fair to say i was shitting myself! after take off we settled into the flight and watched “Die another day” I hoped they wern’t being ironic! Turbulence is pretty cool, its just like being on the fair ground. Im kidding myself here, what kind of fucking gypo sets up a fair 36’000 feet in the air traveling at 220 mph. not any of the drive tarmacing, copper collecting gypo bastards i’ve ever met. (sorry if there are any travellers reading this but frankly i don’t want your tax evading mother fuckers reading my ins and outs, fuck off and sell some pegs!)

All’s well and good, we fly over the island and begin our descent, 1000 feet, 900 feet, 800 feet, 700, 600, 500, 400, 300, 200 FUCK AGGGHHHHH AGFGGGHH WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, I DON’T WANT TO DIE, NOT LIKE THIS, I WANT TO DIE ON TOP OF KYLIE WHEN IM 104 YEARS OLD – SHIT

as we headed for the runway, the wind blew us over the runway and the driver, pilot whatever he calls himself has to pull back up to a few thousand feet and circle round agian. i’ve never been to an abortion but im sure it would be more pleasurable than and aborted landing im fucking telling ya. The thing that really got to me was everyone crammed (and i mean fucking crammed, the plane was tiny and full to the fucking brim of people) over the age of about 14 was SHITTING it, apart from the kids who thought it was really fucking funny, i can sort of understand where they are coming from; 200 people inside a aliminum tube a THOUSAND feet in the air, traveling at a good 100 mph+, the whining of the engines and the fucking 45 degree angle of the plane urgently heading for the heavens before it his the ground is really fucking funny isn’t it. I hope thouse kids grow up ginger. the little fuckers.

anway we land and get our thankfull feet on the ground, 2 weeks before i have to get back onto one of those bastard things again!

Bayuca
we get picked up from the airport which is about 20 mins drive from the resort, everyone is excited (even adam) at the prospect of spending the next 2 weeks doing fuck all. we have a rule – NO WORK SPEAK which was soon broken when 3 of the people with us work for the same company. Gran Canaria is very dry and arid, i don’t think there are many (if any) rivers on the island, one of the things i noticed was how they grow the crop under plastic sheeting, must be cus of the wind ur summat, but it looks dodgy and they could grow anything under there, no one would know any different. maybe i’ll buy myself a farm over there hmmmm

The appartments look nice from the outside, about 15 mins from the beach but backing right onto one of the commercial centres called YUMBO CENTRUM. the flat is nice and tidy (that wouldn’t last long) we have 2 twin rooms, bathroom, kitchen and lounge area complete with cd player, and sky telly (more on that later) and a balcony over looking the pool and the sea in the distance. first thing to notice; fit bird by pool, tits out – excellent.